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  • Writer's pictureJames Irvine

Oww ow ow

It's me, it's me, it's not DDP! Good day to you all I hope you're all feeling amazingly wonderful 💛.

So yesterday on the 26th March 2021 I had my second covid vaccination jab and holy shit I feel rough today! I literally feel rougher than a rhino's ass cheek 🤒 and not only that I'm bloody starving.

I'm going to keep this short and sweet due to the fact my head feels like it's ready to explode. Has anyone ever done a stunt that's so incredibly idiotic that Morgan freeman was the narrator for your stupidity? I have haha I laugh now because my testicles are still attached to my body.

So what happened you ask? Well back when I was just a wee boy I owned a little red BMX, with a bright yellow seat. It was a fun little bike with all the bells and whistles from the 80s and I loved it, but one day old Irvine here decided to make a jump inside a V-shaped valley.

I decided a small run-up wasn't enough and went as fast as I could down the dirt track into the valley towards the dirt ramp, as soon as I hit the ramp I realised the power to weight ratio was a bit too much as I noticed a very small tree on the other side! It was at that moment I knew I fucked up 😬 admit it you read that in Morgan freeman's voice and giggled to yourself 😁. Anyways as I took flight I braced for impact as I flew into the tree, after I hit the tree it was like I paused in mid-air just like Wile E. Coyote when he pauses and then drops to his fate only for me my nut sack was to be the victim as when I finally landed my arse hit the seat and somehow my special sack got trapped under the seat as my tiny bottom flattened the seat pinching my left ball in the frame of the seat itself. So yeah I fucked up as after I had to walk with my left-wing nut trapped and a BMX between my legs, man that sucked but luckily I didn't receive an early vasectomy and I'm firing on all cylinders so to speak.

Anyways I hope you all have a great weekend after hearing that story, stay safe and enjoy!






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